it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
