Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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