Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
