Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
