I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
