Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The struggles of a small town man whore
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
