I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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