Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
