How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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