Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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