She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
