I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why do cheetos always look like penises
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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