Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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