you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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