were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
