plz talk dirty to me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
