look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
