just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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