i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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