last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
