She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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