neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
