woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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