Got a toothbrush?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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