Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
