enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
