I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
