im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
