either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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