She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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