I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
