Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
