you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
