I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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