I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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