i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
