You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
