wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
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You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work