I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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