I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.