he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs