Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian