I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?