4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.