i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
