ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
