why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
