Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
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I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again