I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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