I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.