considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%