At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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