so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
