well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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