I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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