a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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