I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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