Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize