K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
