We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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