I wannas sexs uuuuu
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
