Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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