You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
