at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
