Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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