you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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