is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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