Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
