the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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