She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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