Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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