She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
