The maid of honor just puked.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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