I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
