Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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