so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dont even know how to be here
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ladies don't puke and tell
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
