Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
