Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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