You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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